Because of his past, he is devoured by a need to control. Ana is undoubtedly stunned by Gray unusual sexual tastes and becomes uneasy. Will this relationship work? Inside are two dozen long-stemmed, white roses and a card. I stare at the typed card, the hollow in my chest expanding. No doubt, his assistant sent this. Christian probably had very little to do with it. It's too painful to think about. I examine the roses - they are beautiful, and I can't bring myself to throw them in the trash.
And so a pattern develops: wake, work, cry, sleep. Well, try to sleep. I can't even escape him in my dreams.
Gray burning eyes, his lost look, his hair burnished and bright all haunt me. And the music I am careful to avoid it at all costs. Even the jingles in commercials make me shudder. I have spoken to no one, not even my mother or Ray. I don't have the capacity for idle talk now. No, I want none of it. I have become my own island state. A ravaged, war-torn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak.
Yes, that's me. I can interact impersonally at work, but that's it. I am finding it difficult to eat. By Wednesday lunchtime, I manage a cup of yogurt, and it's the first thing I've eaten since Friday. I am surviving on a newfound tolerance for lattes and Diet Coke.
It's the caffeine that keeps me going, but it's making me anxious. Jack has started to hover over me, irritating me, asking me personal questions. What does he want? I'm polite, but I need to keep him at arm's length. I sit and begin trawling through a pile of correspondence addressed to him, and I'm pleased with the distraction of menial work.
My e-mail pings, and I quickly check to see who it's from. I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you - should you wish. Tears swim in my eyes. I hastily leave my desk and bolt to the restroom to escape into one of the stalls. Jose's show. I'd forgotten all about it, and I promised him I'd go.
Shit, Christian is right; how am I going to get there? I clutch my forehead. Why hasn't Jose phoned? Come to think of it - why hasn't anyone phoned?
I've been so absentminded, I haven't noticed that my cell phone has been silent. I am such an idiot! I still have it on divert to the Blackberry. Holy hell. Christian's been getting my calls - unless he's just thrown the Blackberry away. How did he get my e-mail address? Can I see him again? Could I bear it? Do I want to see him? And if Christian does win Ana back, can a man so dark and damaged ever hope to keep her?
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